How Self Aware Are You?

Each week, I reflect on the themes that emerged through the individual and team coaching conversations I was privileged to support. At the high level, the themes almost always revolve around relationships and communication. And most of the time, the conversations begin focused on “the other”. As we explore situations and circumstances, the dialogue often shifts to “the self”. The journey of self-awareness never ends, and it is typically where the most powerful “solutions” or next step actions are found.

Executives and Leaders

We are all leaders, whether we lead teams, projects, programs, families, communities, or ourselves as individuals. The most important question to be answered is, “Who Are You as Leader?”

When is the last time you took the time to reflect on your own identity as leader? This is much deeper than your personality or style. It certainly is not contained in your Resume or Curriculum Vitae. It is not found in a 360 or performance review. Your identity is unique and beyond comparison. When expressed through awareness and positive intent, its power is beyond measure.

Most of us begin and end the workday focused on our “doing”. Priorities with some planning if we are lucky. More often, urgencies (from others), fire drills, task lists, distractions, reactions and all too often, survival. I can tell you from my experience, that this is universal and independent of title, tenure, level or role. When we operate in this “auto-pilot” fashion, there is not much space or energy to have the impact that is possible. The impact that has us feel “well-used” at the end of the day. Content. Gratified. Self-respecting. The reason I often emphasize the “being” of leadership and management with my clients, over just the “doing”, is because I hear about the pain, struggle, disheartenment, and sometimes disengagement from the employees at all levels every day. The primary source of the struggle stems from how their leaders are showing up, communicating, and reacting.

If you haven’t spent time lately, don’t take this as an opportunity for your self-critic to jump in. That is a self-perpetuating hamster wheel of suffering. Instead, continue to enjoy these last weeks of summer and think about making a date with yourself in the early fall. It is a great season to turn inward, reflect, and let go of things that aren’t serving you or others.

Ideas to Prime the Pump:

• Find a picture of yourself when you were between 5-7 years old. A picture when you were happy and enjoying yourself. Look into the eyes and smiling face of that child self and write down what you see. How were you described as a child by others (the good stuff only!)? What were you feeling? What brought you joy?
• Identify a few people (3-5) that know you well, have known you for quite a while, and that love you unconditionally. These would be people that you feel safe with on every level. That you could express any emotion, thought, concern, or struggle with and know they will not judge, counsel, advise, or in any way try to fix or change you. They see and know who you are, regardless of life’s everchanging circumstances. Ask them who they see and know you to be.
• Take a free assessment at sparketype.com/sparketest and discover what brings you alive across all channels of your life. Sparketype is different from personality or style assessments. It is a tool that I use with clients to make choices that foster fulfillment.

Teams

Self-awareness is not just important as individuals. It’s also important when part of a team. A team made up of individuals develops its own identity as a system of relationships. Like any system, preventive maintenance is the best investment for long-term performance.

When working with teams, foundation teambuilding sessions primarily focus on increasing self-awareness and understanding of others on the team. So often, the pressures of deadlines and deliverables take precedence over getting to know one another, not just as co-workers, but as people. Current data confirms that relationships between coworkers highly impacts collaboration, retention, and results. Safety, trust, and fully committed engagement depend on open and healthy interpersonal communication. 

You’ll often hear me say, “Relationships Take Relating!”. There is good news and bad news. Bad news first: Building relationships requires more than a 30-minute activity or even a 3-hour workshop. But the good news is that we can begin with a 30-minute activity or a 3-hour workshop. And from that beginning, we have a foundation to expand team cohesion and effectiveness.

Self-Facilitated Team Values Activity:

Book or block 60 minutes of an upcoming team meeting (ideal team size 12-18)

• Individually reflect on the best experience of successful teaming through career to date
• Break into 3-4 small groups (ideally 4-6 per group)
• Take turns briefly summarizing the experience and what made it successful
• After each person has shared, collectively identify themes from the experiences and list them on a white board or flip chart
• Choose a spokesperson from each group to share out to the larger group and create a combined list for the team
• As a group, determine the top 3 themes for success of THIS team going forward
• Use remaining time to discuss each theme, associated behaviors, and positive impact of adoption and commitment of the team

Coach’s Tip:

Focus on clarity, alignment, and behaviors. Resist the temptation to create jargon or simply start wordsmithing team values to put on the wall. Growth and development happen in real-time through practice and patience!

Manager Development

There are many roads to management. Which road did you take?

• Childhood dream…”Someday I’ll be a manager!”
• College major, minor, or course introduction
• Natural group leader, influencer, driver
• Natural helper, teacher, supporter
• Excelled in role/expertise…got promoted!
• “Drafted!” - management void…you were it!
• Other?

Many people end up in management because they excelled in their work/role/expertise, but they were never formally trained or prepared to be managers.

There are many assumptions made when people are promoted to management. Assumptions about people skills, organizational skills, counseling/mentoring skills, comfort levels with authority, emotional and social intelligence, etc.

Often, managing is only one part of a person’s role that is less defined, hard to measure, and less directly rewarded or recognized.

As a manager, self-awareness is critical for both role effectiveness, and personal clarity and career fulfillment. Managing employees is not a “one-size-fits-all” proposition and to be an effective manager, being able to adapt with authenticity is critical. We can’t learn or know how to adapt without a clear understanding of our starting point.

Step one begins with knowing your own “why” without judgment or rationalization. Just honest awareness. What is the motivation for you being a manager?

Manager Self-Reflection:

• Your path to management (did you choose it, or did it choose you?)
• Current satisfaction level (1 low/total drain to 10 high/meaningful energizing)
• Time balance (managing responsibilities vs. other role expectations)
• Management skills you have; management skills you need
• What’s your personal WHY for being a manager? (Be honest, WIIFM – what’s in it for me – is totally appropriate here)

Once you’ve gathered these current insights, consider having a conversation with your manager or skip-level. Share what you like, what you want, and what you need to be successful in your role. It is as important for the organization as it is for you, and for the employees you manage.

Feeling valued for work and contribution boosts engagement for all employees. And higher engagement leads to higher retention. And higher retention typically supports higher results and lower costs related to turnover.

This was the first step. While there are many different roads to management that may be externally driven, our personal life journeys are also unique and strongly influence our management style and communication preferences. Step two is deepening your understanding of your current style and impact to identify strengths and gaps for long term success. (More to come on that next week!)

Insights Discovery

If you are not familiar with Insights Discovery, it is a highly valid, reliable, and consistent preference evaluator that generates individualized personal profiles. At KC&A, Insights Discovery is the preferred tool for establishing a common framework and language to support teambuilding and advanced team development. As a master practitioner (and a natural “anti-typist”) I am dedicated to the use of Insights as a tool to increase awareness, strengthen relationships, and increase understanding. The collective practitioners of KC&A are also experts in their respective crafts and are totally committed to guiding the honor of individuality of style along with all other forms of diversity.

The Insights Discovery profile instrument can be helpful in learning about self, thinking about others, and recognizing areas of strength, development, and communication impact. If you are interested in learning more for yourself, your team, or your organization, contact me at [email protected].

In the weeks ahead, I will continue to anonymously capture and share the themes and real-world perspectives of leaders and professionals like you. You can look forward to ideas and experiences that inspire and energize. And if there is anything that we can do to support you, right where you are, just email me personally: [email protected]. We are here to serve!